Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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