they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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