In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
