I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
