If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
