Having a random hookup so left but love u
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
