woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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