so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
