I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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