The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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