there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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