dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
