before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
