fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
