Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
