she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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