i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
