I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
