some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
