You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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