literally had 100 drinks last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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