You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs