I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
