on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
