Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
