Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
