Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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