meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
