i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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