thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
