As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
