i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
