I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
