i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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