The maid of honor just puked.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
