Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
