bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
