Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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