woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize