I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
