You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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