K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize