Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
