omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We left an ass print on the piano.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
