I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize