you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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