So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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