she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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