My sheets look like a crime scene.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.