the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.