Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.