So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in