So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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