yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
