Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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