I think I am morally bankrupt
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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