Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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