Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
