And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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