I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
