he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
