i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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