i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
