I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
